Stranded in Aegean Sea

So it's what I expected to happen and it's what I wanted to happen clearly. Was the desire to vote Jessica a little bit PETTY? Obviously! But so like, the plan that I was pitched by the Crete just didn't make any sense anyways? If they were suggesting that I vote Bret in the willing minority knowing that Tyler is leaving just.. why would I want to vote for somebody that I knew was sticking around another day? So I'm not entirely sure what they were thinking with that idea.

Was I going to work with them regardless? Well.. no, my relationships with Crete are far worse at this point than my relationships with Rhodes. I do for the most part enjoy Jay and Taylor and Wendell as people BUT they've all played far more of the game together and started the game off by megafucking me for a dumb as hell reason so do I feel bad for them...? No.

With Jessica gone I need to basically try my best to guide things to take out a few more of the Crete numbers that are never going to play the game with me. Jacob is the ideal target and I am going to try and exert some force for this one because him staying in the game is really just... awful for me and I can't think of any way that isn't the case. I'd like for Bret to go at some point, and then like Shirin really should go just because she's on vacation and it's not like she was bursting with activity in the first place as far as I hear. From there the power structure needs to be upset a bit, though I need to be careful doing this. It's tough because ideally I do maintain a relationship with Jay, Wendell, and Taylor through this but obviously they're not going to be SUPER CHILL with just being left out every round. Anyways the ideal would be to take Ricard and like Will? Though I think they are respectively a bit tied to Genie and Lindsey, I don't think they want to LOSE either. Flip back to Crete, pop Lindsey and Genie and maybe Tyler? And then bop the Cretes with the remainders, make finals, boom!

Will things go that smoothly? Like... fuck no! and I know I'm playing with the biggest jets of fire by attaching myself to a Rhodes core where there are some clear connections that will be hard to break and always valued over me.

I guess the WORRY is that some of the Rhodes are already doing a lot more to ingratiate themselves with the Cretes than I am, like if some of them had already leaked this vote and are keeping them in the know going forward. Honestly this is probably the RIGHT thing to do and I'll have to think tomorrow about if I want to let them know what's up tomorrow night. If there is a leak you always want to make sure that it's you, because they won't idol out the person feeding them the information.

I kind of answered the second question in that as well so I'll just skip to the third.


Where do you think the balance of power is on the tribe right now?

So I think it's largely Genie and Lindsey calling the shots here, doing the most to make everything happen and they've been proving time and time again that they share a really close bond. This is tough BECAUSE they have a lot of close loyalties to the other Rhodes players, with Will and Shirin being in tight with Lindsey and Ricard being close to Genie. I think they very well could make a power group of 5 that we definitely have to avoid going forward, so I think it's vital to work on my connections with Erika and Tyler to eventually hop ship over the Crete and thin these numbers out a little bit. It's just a matter of timing and it's important to get correct because there is an aspect of playing with fire to this all. If we leave things too long and that group has an extra vote that I'm not counting on, a super close connection to Erika maybe, it's just... handing them the weapons to behead the rest of us with.

So I think I'm starting to feel a little on edge, not really about my own safety but just about my trajectory in the game. (also Taylor is such a little weasel tbh, unrelated)

I think I play a much better game of Survivor when I'm confident, even cocky about my own gameplay so to be worried about it might spell bad things. I feel like it may be warranted though.

The first thing I'm worried about is losing due to inaction. Like in the sense that I follow Lindsey to the final... who knows, say 8 and then I'm just taken out because I voted out all my other options and she has a tighter hold on the people left so I have no chance of a swing. I think it's just like... the peak of fucking lamery and the antithesis of energy I want to bring! I would just feel so fundamentally stupid for something like THIS and it's why I think I might have started trying to move things about before it's the RIGHT time. It feels too early and yet... I might rather move too early than too late.

The thing I fear MORE, however, is making FTC and losing. I know this is irrational but the concept of losing a FTC is just like.. humiliating to me. Like I know 50-66% of people DO lose it's like... very possible to lose and have played a really strong game but just the idea of making it that far and having my game not be stunning enough for people to want to reward is... sad.

I always say that my two goals for Survivor are
1. Make the season as fun, dynamic, and memorable for everybody involved as I have the power to do.
2. Be a main character within that season.

And I don't know whether I'm hitting either of those points right now, at least in my mind. I know sometimes people don't like to hear this in a viewing context but Survivor is somewhat performative for me, as much as it is a game it's also about like.. creating an exciting story.

I don't know, it's these things that keep us up at night innit! I might give the idol clue to Wendell and Jay tomorrow, I kind of want one of them to find it. I think them idoling out a key Rhodes figure would be very good for me. Giving it to the Rhodes people was kind of unavoidable regardless.