1. What was your reaction to tribal council, and to how much votes were given out to Tyler and Jessica? How do you go about this after Jessica left?
Ok, so I warned my husband on our way to lunch today that I was probably getting voted out of my game tonight. At first he said "Yay!" and then I said, "Rude." And so he decided to be supportive after that.
But the truth is that I have been expecting all weekend to be bamboozled tonight. At the very least, I was definitely preparing for the worst. And so when tribal council was finally posted, I asked my husband to watch it with me. Heart pounding of course. He was pretty funny too...i was up in votes and he was like, awww i'm so sorry babe, well, you saw this coming....and then the votes were up for Jess and he was like, "see babe, you did it! You're good!" and then it came to the tie again and he's like, I'm so sorry babe I spoke too soon
And then I basically screamed with glee and ran around the room.
But this is actually exactly what I was told would happen tonight. I was told by multiple people that there were likely to be 8 votes Jess and 6 votes Tyler and that is exactly what happened. I'm just shocked that what I was told was actually the truth for once!
After council there was a lot of reactions.
LINDSEY:
LINDSEY: I'm so happy we actually did that
LINDSEY: that was so sick
ME: YAY!!! OMG Thank you *so* so much
LINDSEY: bro.... come onnnnn. haha. I just want to play with you. Finally glad we got to work together on this vote.
ME: So fucking excited and of course you've got me as long as you will have me at this point. That was intense af and I'm just so grateful rn.
Bro - haha Is Lindsey a dude? I would *love* if Lindsey was being 100% sincere with this comment.
SHIRIN:
SHIRIN: Oh thank God that worked out
ME: ahhhhhhhhhhhh
ME: Thank GOD
SHIRIN:I'm so stoked you stayed. I would have been so sad
SHIRIN:I think Lindsey had a lot to do with this vote. She was messaging me a lot about trying to make sure everyone was solid
ME: I would have been so sad too! But I was fully prepared for someone to have lied to me or something unexpected to have happened. Turns out the plan went exactly as planned!
SHIRIN: This shows Ricard and genie are solid. That was a risk for them to go with us
ME: I am so so glad because I like them both and trust that they are with us. I mean, Ricard did confirm with me he wanted to work with the 4-some we created at Kameiros 2.0.
WILL:
WILL: Happy that went well
ME: omg WILL THANK YOU BRO like a million chats rn but seriously tysm everything you said came true and I am over the moon happy rn
WILL:Yes now next round lol
WILL:But soo tired can we chat in a.m its 11 here
WILL:HAPPY IT WENT WELL I TOLD YIU I GOT YIU 10000%
This reaction was a little weird for Will. Not that weird but a little bit. What's weird about it? Idk, that he wasn't *that* excited maybe? I can't put my finger on it exactly...
GENIE:
GENIE: congrats, amigo
GENIE: my heart rate is still stratospheric
ME: omg THANK YOU SO MUCH
GENIE: duh of course
ME: i made my hubs hold my hand while we watched council lmao
GENIE:omg awwwwww
GENIE:what a good guy
GENIE:but that shit's intense
GENIE: every vote I'm just like noooooo thank you
This reaction wasn't weird really but like something is telling me we may not be as close as I have been thinking we are... Maybe I am making this up? Idk, I am just keeping this possibility in mind.
ERIKA:
ERIKA: [convo got cut off but paraphrasing] I am with you, you are a true player in this game.
ME: aww that's nice of you to say but I think there are bigger players here. And I don't have a desire to try to steer the ship at the moment. As of this moment I am grateful to the people who kept me and I am hopeful that I can remain helpful to all of your games moving forward.
ERIKA: I don’t have a desire to steer the ship either lol
ME: usually the ship-steerers reveal themselves haha
ERIKA: Pretty much
ME: as do the shit-stirrers lmao
ERIKA: Even more so true
ME: I think and hope really that somebody feels confident in this game and is going to make a move. And you and me hopefully can just ride it out. Either that or maybe the Rhodes thing continues, but either way I *hope* that neither of us is a target next round.
ERIKA: Well, between you and me I know there’s some pseudo deal going on between Genie/Ricard/Lindsey/Rachel/Will. I don’t think they’ll come for us anytime soon though and I do like them. I think after a couple more boots though, your name will come up and then mine right after and they’ll leave Shirin around for awhile. That’s my take on things
ME: And between us, the day that happens you let me know and we will figure out another plan because I'm not going to just roll over for that group either. Yes, today I am very grateful to all of them. But you are not the first person to mention them as a threat and I am definitely listening
ERIKA: And I know how close you can get to people on these swapped tribes
ERIKA: And I notice they’re trying to downplay it a bit but don’t give them anything to make them feel that we are suspicious
ERIKA: Not even Will
ERIKA: I’m just thinking about how allegiances change on these swapped tribes
ME: That is absolutely true and I want to keep my options open.
ME: Of course, as far as I know I could be targeted again tomorrow
ME: but no trust, I am keeping this suspicion to myself
ERIKA: Same. The scary thing is they can make a move on you or I (in the future) without either of us knowing about it.
ME; no you are exactly right and that's why my eyes are open to that very possibility. Like they saved me today to get the numbers. I get it. At some point, they won't need me anymore
RACHEL:
RACHEL: i really don't feel i owe a lot to crete after my past with them in the game up to this point
RACHEL: but i don't want to like entirely burn all bridges to them either, like... i don't know how you feel about the group but i feel like neither of us really benefits from a complete crete wipeout (exc. me, of course )
ME: No I mean, that's the sad thing about this vote for me is because I feel like it did, in a way, burn the bridges I was trying to build with Crete peeps. The truth is I adore just about all of them and it's disappointing that all of that relationship-building has basically amounted to nothing at this point. They all have officially smiled to my face and voted for me to leave now and that's just a hard reality. I mean, I understand of course and it's not like the bridge is un-repairable, its just pretty clear to me at this point who has my back and who does not...
RACHEL: oh i like them all quite a bit as people as well! not necessarily MORE than the rhodes people (though maybe in some cases) but i think for the most part they are very fun personalities who i enjoy talking with on a personal basis as well
RACHEL: i feel like there have always just been cracks with them all from the very start of the game that make it kind of hard to rely on them and maybe thats my fault for just like... being unwilling to forgive
no exactly! I think they are all fun personalities as well. And I talk with Taylor and Wendell quite a bit. Never been on the same side of the vote but I still like them as people. I just wish that yeah, they felt like including me in their plans, but the truth is I am always getting the run around. Idk if its been that way for you, but I can definitely understand being at a point where it is hard to forgive. That said, I also get that you are sort of in the middle right now. So you have a lot of power I think over how things are directed next round...
RACHEL: it's kind of how i started with them for sure, it's been a bit weird with wendell because we've truly never been in a position to work together besides like... i guess on the little tribe after the game merge
RACHEL: i mean AM i? the rhodes have 7 without me so in theory they can do whatever they want if you all stick together, i'm kind of trusting that people don't really see that as a valid option for them because i dont think it IS
RACHEL: so like to be transparent i think we can't plan too far in advance but i think it does benefit us a bit to talk about now
RACHEL: i worry a little bit about a rhodes power core of genie/lindsey/will/ricard who all seem pretty tight? and i like them a lot, want to work with them but i don't know if i'm ever really valued above the others there? and like
RACHEL: not to stir up drama but talking to them on our previous tribe lindsey was always making sure to mention how you were like a ~huge threat~ that would do what it takes and she was keeping at arms length
RACHEL: all is to say i feel like we're in a kind of similar spot where we want to spin things on them before they take total control, though i don't think this is the round for that yet
ME: I want *you* to know right now that I am down for that power play when the time is right. I am indebted to Lindsey atm so that is the game I am playing, but it does not surprise me one iota to hear that Lindsey feels this way about me. I will keep that between us of course, but I do appreciate the heads up!
RACHEL: i don't think it's any like IMMEDIATE concern for either of us i just
RACHEL: i guess i'm a little bit worried that i'm just going to be seen as playing their game and i don't want to make that like... reality either, i don't want to OVERTHINK things yet i just want us to like keep it all in mind as well as we move onwards
ME: I think that is super smart and I am completely understanding where are you are coming from on this. Obviously step one for me was just getting through tonight. I am grateful to so many right now that I am willing to do as I'm told to get the target off of me. I also know I can't play that game forever and expect to win, so I hear what you are saying 100% and when the time is right...
ME: hmm that's interesting. Taylor is telling me you were the "biggest pusher of my name" tonight
RACHEL: lmao that's a pretty bold thing to push when i didnt vote for you
RACHEL: i went along with the narrative that was brought to me to try and keep them feeling like it was all going according to what they expected
ME: no I totally see that and I am still *so* grateful. Truly. I just wanted you to hear a little of the "explanation"
RACHEL: lmao you don't have to be like
RACHEL: grateful babes its not like..
RACHEL: like i don't mean this in a BAD WAY but it's not like a favor to you
RACHEL: i think it was the best call in a game sense and also aligns with what i want to do for my own enjoyment
ME: no no I totally get that as well but like I am *still* grateful. I still want to be in this game and even though I have been humbled in this moment, it has shown me at least on some level that the relationships I have made in this game have paid off. I definitely get that a lot of the decisions people made tonight had nothing to do with me personally, but that doesn't mean I won't have a personal reaction to being saved.
RACHEL: right right okay i do get what you mean! like to me it doesn't have to be a humbling experience or anything i think you've been kickass so far! i understand why you do to a degree though, when you feel like these good connections you have made don't ultimately have your back and you wonder if you could have done more
RACHEL: i've felt kind of the same way in this game, not that i've like... been exactly in that spot but just getting on and feeling like everybody has already decided on something without you has been a common occurrence here and tbh its not something i'm great at accepting lmaooo
RACHEL: anyways i think our connection DID affect my choice here and i dont mean to suggest it didn't, its what i mean but what i want to do in the game and thats play with people that i like! i just dont want you to feel like you OWE me for that i just want to keep up why i have enjoyed playing with you so far, you know?
ME: no you hit the nail on the head. It is humbling to know the truth about some of these relationships as you said. Especially when you think you are getting along with everyone or like you say--could I have done more? It is good to remember though that people make the decisions they make for a lot of different reasons and it is not always because of something *you* did or because they don't *like* you so I think I'm just trying to remind myself of these factors and not necessarily feel like 8 people like me or 6 people dont. It is more complicated than that. I appreciate you saying I don't owe you anything but you have already proven your trustworthiness to me in ways that many players remaining never have. I intend to repay you if and when I can.
RACHEL: lmaooo okay love! we can chat more on it and more optimistic things tomorrow i just woke up and had an urge to write an angsty confessional but really do need to get back to sleep. my final thought for now is i just want you to play your best game and have fun and i'd love if that included me in it!
ME: I feel the same way! Have a good night and yeah, lets chat more tomorrow
Honestly there is so much there that is interesting to me in terms of where my relationship with Rachel might be going, but the last part kind of threw me off. I was trying to be sincere and did not expect a lmao response. But I am sensitive and probably reading into this.
Anyway after the vote I could tell that there were a lof of Jessica fans in the building. Jacob and Jay for one and two AND Taylor of course. Wendell admitted after the fact that he was totally ok with Jess going, but didn't want to be the one to vote for her. I believe him.
Jacob did not say a word to me. I'm not surprised. I have no relationship with Jacob. If I had my druthers, the next person to go would be JACOB, not Bret. Oh and I say Bret only because that's the name Wendell threw out tonight. That actually may have been the most interesting thing that came out of tonight's vote was Wendell admitting to me that he would prefer the votes went toward Bret next instead of him or Taylor. I wonder how Bret would feel about this?
2. How are you moving forward? Is your trust in anyone shattered, or have you found a strong group to be a part of? Are you going solo?
Right now I think the best way for me to move forward is quietly and cautiously as possible. Although I have had some conversations with Jay and Taylor and Wendell after the vote that have suggested they might *not* vote for me next round, they also could easily just do the same and not piss off any new people. I feel like what this vote *has* shown is that the power is actually not with Tyler at all.
Actually, the vote for me probably had nothing to do with a perception of me having power--I mean, maybe an idol, but not like people-power. And it *feels* like the fact that I did not play an idol has proven that I don't have one. It doesn't *actually* prove that I don't have one, of course, but I don't know if people are going to be *as* concerned about Tyler moving forward as they were today. Maybe I am being naive, but I think new targets and/or threats are emerging that are not Tyler and I don't think that people believe that Tyler is the player pulling the strings.
And that is exactly what I want. I want people to stop talking about Tyler or thinking about Tyler because there are *bigger fish* in this game than Tyler. I think to some people Tyler seemed like an easy fish. I think that was my perception of Jessica although I happen to think now that Jessica was probably a way bigger fish than I ever gave her credit for. I do not for one second think that Jessica did not have the potential to go all the way in this game. I think she had every potential and again, if anything I am just disappointed that Jessica and I began this game in such different places because I do see a world in which Jessica and I are friends and allies. Sadly, not this game though.
She probably feels totally opposite about me but its cool. I mean it. I liked her. And man, if she and Taylor had stuck with voting with me and Shirin and Hali back on Zakros, I feel like we all would be *so* tight today. I think the biggest disappointment in my game thus far is that I could not make a relationship with Taylor and Jessica and myself work! LORD KNOWS I TRIED. I am *Still* trying with Taylor although it is probably a lost cause at this point. Never say never but if we *ever* get on the same page in this game I will be amazed. I still like him so much though. This is why this game is *so* hard.
I have to *try* to keep Taylor as an option though. I feel the same way about Wendell. Until both of these boys are out of this game, I feel like I have to *try* to maintain these relationships. I can't help but feel like *some* day it will pay off. I mean they literally both voted for me today so I don't have any misconceptions about where we stand, I just have to stick to my core strategy: you never know who you might need in this game. And you literally never know. It could get to a point where it just comes down to us and this open relationship we 3 have had all game eventually can make a move together. YOU NEVER KNOW.
But really my plan right now is to be submissive to whatever Genie and Lindsey and Will and Ricard decide they want to do next. I mean, fwiw, I like all of these people and they have all said they like me. I have no idea exactly how much they value me though. It is possible I could be the 5th without Rachel. Heck there is a possibility I could be 4th without Lindsey but let's not get carried away. It is also possible they could all target me the second they don't need my vote anymore. Probably not next round, but maybe the round after? Although probably not then either if I am reading things correctly. I mean, there is no reason for at least Genie and Ricard and Will to target me at all for many votes as far I can tell. Nor is there a reason for Lindsey to either, we just all know that Lindsey and I are skittish of each other.
3. Where do you think the balance of power is on the tribe right now?
I'm not totally sure, but I can tell you where I think people *think* it is!
Suddenly the names on everyone's lips right now are Genie, Ricard, Lindsey, Will & Rachel, otherwise known as the old power core at Mausolus 3.0. Rachel herself has mentioned the 4 besides her as the core, but Wendell and Taylor are including Rachel in the core.
I *think* this is really good news for me because suddenly I could be a helpful chess piece for some people thinking about making a move against this bunch. And I am already hearing rumblings of a group thinking of doing this: Erika, Rachel, Taylor and Wendell. I know the only thing I can do right now is to try to keep literally every option I can open right now. Just because the numbers are in my favor now does *not* mean they will be tomorrow, I learned that with the Stephanie vote. So I will at *least* play like I am willing to make a move against these people when the time comes. And depending on *who* exactly the target is at that point will help me determine which way I might go, but for now, I want to be in consideration for making this move. I am *more* likely to consider making a move against someone like Lindsey and/or Ricard than I am Will and/or Genie at this point. Right now I am *so* in debt to Lindsey and Ricard that their next wish is my command, but eventually they are not as tight with me as Will and Genie.
I will say I sense a weird sort of distance from Genie. Not totally sure what's up and maybe it's nothing. I still trust Genie. Just not totally sure I am in his tightest core. Time will tell.
I confess I am very hopeful that the next couple votes can be easy for some Crete people. I've said it before I would prefer Jacob be the next to go. Not sure if that's a possibility but I'd love it. Bret is definitely an option too. I mean, I *like* Bret, but we have not yet gotten to a place of actual trust so if he becomes the target I'll roll with it. I would be lying if i said I wouldn't vote for Wendell or Taylor to go next either. I mean both of these guys have not only lied to me multiple times but officially written my name down as well. What more do I need to give up on these guys? Tbh Nothing.
So that's where I think I am at at the moment. Grateful to be alive. Subservient to those who've saved me. Blood thirsty for those who've wronged me.
)