- Mon Mar 28, 2022 12:47:13 am
#69918
Lol absolutely not re: audio and text. <3
1. New idols clues were released tonight to some of you. Do you NEED to find an idol to save your game?
WELL I need to find an idol to get Dom off my fucking dick and get him to stop sobbing about how he can’t trust me any more!
I’m so annoyed, I felt like we had built up a bond and implicit trust with each other. Then, I spent the day doing damage control with Lindsey and Will because they were like “can you trust Dom?” And I was like “yes, I can.” And I had to reassure them over and over and over. So then we get to the idol picking clues, and I wanted to keep them in step with us and so I selected Will to receive the idol clue so everyone is happy. And now Dom is just like “how could you do this to me. Question mark.” And like…..it’s a mess! Like, fuck me for trying to keep an alliance we’ve all been talking about really being happy about feeling good about one another amirite? Honestly everyone is just so emotionally needy and like, I’m sorry that you were on the bottom previously but I cannot slice my wrists in contrition for trying to do what I felt was a good play in keeping the alliance (WHICH AGAIN, WE ALL SAID WE FELT GOOD ABOUT AND YOU INITIATED) united as a whole. I get that you’ve been burnt in the past but good fucking lord what do you want me to do here?!! At this point, I feel like if I don’t find the idol and give it to him, he’s just going to be moaning at me for the rest of our time together and I just do not want that. Ugh.
2. In your application, we asked which three Survivor contestants matched your personality the best. As we go into the third full week of the game, have your thoughts about that changed? Which Survivor contestants remind you most of how you're playing NOW?
Teresa T-Bird Cooper. I’m just a sweet little lady trying to get lots of people reading different books on the same page, and it keeps blowing up in my face despite my best efforts. Luckily, the fans relate to this and I will be voted back into all-stars with a majority of the vo— wait I'm sorry, what now?
3. What are your plans to ensure you make it through the next boot? Are you a big target, or are you hiding behind one for safety?
Well I thought that I’d have an easy ride on this tribe but with Dom now playing the woe is me card I feel like I have to pretty much fall into lockstep with him or else face being booted myself. :)
Al;sjkdfasl;djf everyone just jumps from 0-100 and no one wants to listen to the facts and logic about my decision making or try to see where I’m coming from in this. I am EXHAUSTED. And honestly like, if Dom’s just going to whine and moan about how I was booting him in 6th place in our group, then I’ll fucking do it. I am not going to crucify myself for doing what I thought was best for our alliance that (for the third time) HE INITIATED. And also jk I have been crucifying myself for the past two hours to beg for his forgiveness lmfao. <3 But he just keeps being like “well idk if I can trust you ;_;” and now I’m just annoyed at the whole sitch.
***
This is an angry confessional and I normally do not like leaving them but I am just so fraught with emotion after Kameiros being a shitshow and then being swapfucked. I meet Dom, I like him, and I feel like we got to a place of mutual understanding with each other. And like, I can admit I mismanaged his emotions. That was my fault for believing he was more secure with me and that he valued my intentions and motivations with the blind trust that I've had for him since we met. That was a misread on my part, and I can fully appreciate that I got that wrong.
It's just so hard though because like...I feel like I've spent a bulk of this game trying to be open and honest with people who I felt comfortable with, and in doing what I think is going to help us out my actions are read with the worst of intentions. It's just like...what more do I need to do to prove to you? Why do you default to the fact that you think I'm going to dick you over? Was doing something to keep this alliance strong really that hurtful to you?
IDK. I need to sleep. I think what I need to consider is—Is it worth laying down my sword and falling in lockstep with Dom just to try to appease the feelings of someone who I love on a personal level? Or, do I just say "fuck it" and just be like "You think I was going to fuck you over? Well fine, be that way and I'll do so!" it would be easy to. Just tell Lindsey/Will/Ricard about what's going on, and then we pull Bradley in as our fifth vote being like "hey btw, Dom wanted you dead for rounds now and he's offering you on a silver platter tonight." Done and done. I can wipe my hands of this mess and have peace of mind once more. Or at least until someone else then ruins my utopia lmfao. <3
But, I'm still a bleeding heart so it's probably going to be the first option unless shit gets really dire lmfao. <3 IDK it's a mess, girls. I feel like ever since I got to Gyaros I had FINALLY gotten some forward momentum and positive growth and I'm kind of kicking myself that this is now becoming A Thing™.
"At least you made juuuuuuury top half!" - Abi Maria - Me
